13 Truths About Fatherhood

It is Father's Day weekend.  A time to visit Macy's for that Oxford shirt and paisley tie combination your father has always wanted.  Or, time to hit Home Depot for the latest set of power tools that your father can drive through his thumb, foot and other appendages.  Or, time to find the last existing bottle of Obsession cologne to replace the one that your father has been wearing since high school. Oh, Father's Day.

Father's Day is also a great time to reflect on those common traits that make us fathers. In today's post, I would like to share 13 truths of fatherhood:

1) Fathers will never be mothers. They will never be the their kids' favorite or the first one they thank in their Tony Award acceptance speech. On the other hand, they will also never be the one who the kids yell at when they can't find their favorite pair of jeans, when they are "starving," or when the wifi is out.

2) It will always be a father's job to clean up the dog shit.  Or, kill the stink bugs... knock the bee's nest out of the garage ... or take the dead mice out of the mouse traps.

3) Dad's music will always suck.  From generation to generation, fathers will always have the crappiest music collection ... whether it is listening to Tony Bennett, Barry Manilow or Bon Jovi ... a Dad's music is never as cool as his kids'.

4) Fathers will never ask for directions or instructions .  They will follow their GPS mindlessly in circles or continue to say, "Oh, don't worry. I know where I am now."  And the IKEA furniture or thousand piece Lego set will always have "extra" pieces to toss away.

5) Every father is the "worst dad ever." At some point, every dad will be a "tyrant" and "hated" by his kids for being "soooo unfair."

6) Every father runs a hotel for kids. "Guests" enjoy concierge service, continental breakfasts, free wifi.  They don't need to turn out lights, pick up clothes, hang up towels, put away their toys, make their beds...  Check-out time is arbitrary -- usually noon on the weekends for teenagers. And new guests are always welcome to fill vacancies for sleepovers.

7) Fathers will always take the kids for ice cream.  They will generously buy little Jimmy his one scoop of vanilla ice cream on a cone, while they devour a 1200 calorie banana split with extra walnuts and chocolate syrup.  "It's for the kids, honey."

Megan Hock Photography -- Pinterest

8) Fathers will always hate their daughters' boyfriends and cry on their daughters' wedding days.  Always.

9) Every dad is a cab driver. A text or a phone call and a father is out the door faster than an Uber driver in Manhattan. Those Saturday morning drives to practices or late drives home from theater rehearsal. That one-on-one time is precious and priceless.

10) Fathers will always snore.  It's a chronic condition, especially after Thanksgiving dinner, or in an easy chair while they are "watching" the latest CSI episode.

11) Fathers will never be as tough as mothers. Mothers carried those kids in their wombs for nine months, doing unthinkable things to their bodies, and went through hell to bring them into the world.  Fathers whine when they get a twisted ankle playing basketball or smash their thumb with a hammer.

12) Fathers will never get sunscreen right.  Whether it is for themselves or their kids, someone will invariably wind up with one thigh that is lobster red, or have the map of the Ukraine imprinted on their back.

13) Every father's cold heart has a melting point.  A tight hug, a cute smile and a sincere, "I love you, Dad" can melt any Dad's heart.

Melt your Dad's heart this weekend.  Say thanks and I love you.