There are all the things you want to do more of: more exercise, more reading, more learning, or more time with loved ones. There are also the things that we want to do less of: less junk food, less cursing, or less time working.
The more or less of New Year's resolutions are all well-intentioned, but the truth is we all just want to find happiness. That's the best resolution we can make.
I recently listened to a TED talk by Robert Waldinger and he reported on the results of a long-term Harvard Study on Adult Development, which has run for 75 years. What was their big finding about what makes a good life? How do people find happiness? It's all about having good relationships. "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier," says Waldinger. Not money. Not power. Not privilege.
I recently listened to a TED talk by Robert Waldinger and he reported on the results of a long-term Harvard Study on Adult Development, which has run for 75 years. What was their big finding about what makes a good life? How do people find happiness? It's all about having good relationships. "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier," says Waldinger. Not money. Not power. Not privilege.
So, here are a few of my resolutions for building better relationships in 2016:
- Assume people's best intentions. It's hard in today's day and age not to be cynical or suspicious. It's easy to believe someone else is out to get us or acting selfishly. But, it is certainly easier to build relationships when you believe people are generous, caring and acting with the best of intentions.
- Take-five. Many things that I say could be more thoughtfully presented or better received if I would only take a moment to calm down and think. A quick ten-count (okay, maybe 5) before I let fly with a sarcastic, biting quip or a screaming tirade. A few more thoughtful pauses and reflections can go a long way to building relationships - or not damaging the ones you already have.
- Two ears, one mouth. The old saying is "You have two ears and one mouth, you should use them in that proportion." Relationships are about listening to others. Genuinely listening. Actively listening. 'Nuff said.
- Kids in the kitchen. Know what a real problem and issue is. Think of it like cooking with kids in the kitchen. If they aren't burning down the house or playing with knives, then an inedible snack or a little mess (or even a major clean-up) is not the end of the world. Don't cause friction in your relationships unnecessarily.
- Give till it hurts. A good relationship is one where you get even more satisfaction from what you can give, than from what you receive. Taking a burden from a friend in need. Listening to someone else's worries. Giving up time you may not have to spend it with your child. A little bit of sacrifice and selflessness is the foundation of any strong relationship.
So as we turn to a new year and think about resolutions, do a little "more," do a little "less," but focus on your relationships. Science says you'll be happy that you did.
