Walking the “out of work” desert: Three Lessons

My friend shared his “desert” analogy when we spoke years ago about losing his job and transitioning to what would be next in his career. Over a burger in New Brunswick, he said it was “like walking in a desert" when you are out of work. It can be lonely, hopeless and tiring. There is no clear horizon or destination. You quickly find out who your friends and supporters are, especially when no one seems to be walking with you.

This year, I learned what he meant during my own experience of being “out of work” … or in between jobs, downsized, laid off, impacted by a restructuring, job elimination, etc. The reality is about 75% of American workers become unemployed at some point in their careers, so many of us will be on this path at one point or another.

I have used my communications, management and leadership skills to address the conundrums and challenges that accompany any job search (including how you describe your situation). I developed all sorts of materials to drive my job search: resumes, letters, trackers, elevator speeches, personal branding statements, etc. I read self-help books and articles. Joined groups of out-of-work peers. Used outplacement services and resources.

Three lessons have helped me stay productive, hopeful and healthy during this period:

Grace With Limits. I spoke with a former executive from Johnson & Johnson who had gone through his own job transitions, and he shared an insight about the emotional piece of the process. He said adjusting to a job loss is not a linear process where you gradually and steadily recover. It can be a roller coaster. The dips are natural. There will be good days, but then out of nowhere you will have a bad day. Negative feelings creep back. Resentment, frustration and regret may surface. Give yourself grace on those days, he said. Be accepting of your emotions. My wife appreciated this dynamic as well, but knowing me, she also set “limits” on those bad days. When I got disappointing news, she would say, “Okay, you have 24 hours to be depressed, but then you have to turn the page and move on.” We’ve been married 25 years, so she knows my ability to spiral into negativity. The lesson? It’s important to give yourself grace on the bad days, but also set limits so you bounce back and keep moving forward.

Patience and Positivity. I am not a naturally patient person. When I have a problem or situation, my mode is to analyze it, attack it and solve it. Singular focus. Persistence. Resolution. It can be a great strength of mine – or it can be the reason the burgers are undercooked at the family barbecue, or the car is “packed” before everyone’s bags are ready for the road trip. Job searches have their own pace, their own twists, their own endings. They don’t run on your clock. I have learned that some things happen “for a reason” -- often beyond my control – so don’t fixate on them. I have developed a more patient, positive and fatalistic outlook, believing that life will work out, even if it is not as I had it planned on my checklist or calendar.

Connectors, Coaches and Cheerleaders. When I started my search, I compiled a list of people in my network whom I would reach out to for help: recruiters, former colleagues and bosses, industry contacts, professional peers, classmates, neighbors, etc. I quickly found that the people who would actually help me fell into three categories. First are the connectors who know “everyone.” They learned about new jobs, kept me top of mind, sent me leads, made introductions, etc. They provided meaningful perspectives on companies, people and roles. I could always count on them for generating fresh ideas, opening doors and sharing new paths to consider. The coaches were the people who really knew me -- my strengths, my gaps, my tendencies and doubts. They also understood the industry, the hiring process and how a successful job search worked. They prepped me for interviews, negotiations and helped me be my best. And, finally, I had my cheerleaders. On the days when my confidence was low, or doubts were lurking, these people lifted my spirits, distracted me from setbacks, made me laugh, encouraged me, and showed me the bigger picture. They were also my “hype” men and women. They reminded me that my past achievements and enduring skills were strong indicators of future success. Lots of people will “say” they want to help on your search, be sure to invest your time and energy with connectors, coaches and cheerleaders who actually do!

My friend was right about his “walk in the desert” analogy. Career transitions are a harsh test. They can be unsettling and worrisome on some days, but also liberating and refreshing on others. I have learned if you are patient and positive, give yourself grace, and find the right people to walk with you, you will make it to the other side – whatever, wherever and whenever that may be!

What will your Saint Peter's story be?

Tonight, I joined the Saint Peter's University Class of 2025 for a celebration at the annual Delaney Dinner. This event is a moment to congratulate our students, celebrate their achievements, and welcome them to Saint Peter's family of alumni. 

I spoke to our newest alumni tonight about my Saint Peter's story, and I was honored to accept their class donation on behalf of the Board of Trustees. I challenged them to stay connected to Saint Peter's throughout their lives and to help the next generation of Peacocks write their own Saint Peter’s stories.

My prepared remarks are included below.

Congratulations, Class of 2025!!!

Bill Price '91

+++ 

Good evening, everyone.

Let me begin by offering my warmest congratulations to our graduates—and to the families and friends who’ve supported them every step of the way. This is a moment to savor. Enjoy it!

I’m speaking with you tonight not just as a member of the Board of Trustees, but as a fellow Saint Peter’s graduate—someone who shares an unbreakable bond with each of you. And I'd like to share a few minutes of my Saint Peter’s story.

I grew up just a couple of miles from here, in the Greenville section of Jersey City. I went to Our Lady of Mercy grammar school and then Saint Peter’s Prep, where I had an academic scholarship that covered some of my tuition and my parents scraped together the rest.

My parents, both Snyder High grads, lived in the same two-family house on McAdoo Avenue for nearly 50 years. My mom worked as a secretary and office manager—including 17 years at Saint Peter’s—when she wasn’t home raising me and my sister. My dad served in the Air Force and worked more than 30 years at AT&T Bell Labs, supervising the mailroom and operations. Like many of your parents, they were hardworking people who wanted a better life for their kids.

When it came time for college, I had scholarship offers and choices to make. I wanted a high-quality Jesuit education—but it also needed to be affordable, personal and challenging. Saint Peter’s checked every box.

Like many of you, scholarships and financial aid played a major role in my decision. And today, I’m proud to say that 100% of our undergraduates receive scholarships or aid—thanks to donors, alumni, and trustees who believe in you.

At Saint Peter’s, I majored in English and minored in Marketing—what would probably be Communications today. I was editor of the school newspaper, played intramurals and pickup basketball in Yanitelli Center, and worked all four years in the Registrar’s Office. Everyone knew my name.

Through the Cooperative Education program—what you now know as CEEL—I gained career-shaping experience and advice that stayed with me.

My first job in PR came from a Saint Peter’s alumna, Kathy Fitzgerald, who mentored me for over a decade. I just toasted her at her birthday party a few weeks ago. Another alum, Frank D’Amelio, a former executive at Lucent and Pfizer, has always helped guide me through major career changes—not because he had to, but because that’s the kind of people Saint Peter’s produces.

One of my closest friends, Robb Santos, is flying in from the Philippines next week. We met here and have remained close for decades—through weddings, kids, moves across continents. His son is now a student at Saint Peter’s.

That’s what Saint Peter’s does: it builds relationships that endure.

Over the years, I’ve served on the Alumni Board, the Board of Regents, and now the Board of Trustees with amazing graduates and friends of Saint Peter’s. Giving back—through service, donations, mentoring—is how I honor the foundation this university gave me.

I share my Saint Peter’s story not because it’s unique—but because it’s familiar. Many of us have stories like it. And you’re about to begin writing your own.

Your graduation on Monday may mark the end of your time as a student, but Saint Peter’s will always be part of your life. If you’re lucky, it will keep weaving through your life—in friendships, reunions, careers, and community.

So let me leave you with one question:

What will your Saint Peter’s story be?

You won’t answer that fully today—or even on Monday. You’ll answer it over years and decades, in the big and small ways Saint Peter’s continues to shape your life—and in how you choose to stay connected.

Come back for games and reunions. Mentor a student. Support a scholarship. However you choose, stay involved. Help the next generation of Peacocks write their own Saint Peter’s stories.

That is a legacy – and lasting bond -- we can all be proud of.

Thank you. Congratulations. And God bless!

Prep Career Day -- Going Home Again

This week, I returned to St. Peter's Prep in Jersey City to give a keynote speech for Career Day, and I tried to inspire and entertain 800 students with a few pearls of wisdom from my life and career. No easy task.  

My career certainly certainly doesn't feel extraordinary, but I hope my messages were relatable, memorable and meaningful for the students. I shared a Facebook post about the student who told me my remarks were "fire" -- Wow! -- and got a few requests for the speech, so here it is as prepared for delivery. Let me know what you think of my three lessons:

PREP CAREER DAY -- Dec. 8, 2023

Welcome

Thank you, Mike, for the introduction, and for inviting me today. It’s an honor to be back home at Prep and have the chance speak with you all.

As Mike mentioned, I work in Corporate Communications. That has been my career. I have been an executive at Zoetis, Pfizer, Johnson & Johnson, Lucent Technologies and AT&T over the course of my career.

I have spent my days preparing executives for media interviews on CNBC … running Investor Meetings and bell-ringings at the New York Stock Exchange … putting out fires with The Wall Street Journal when reporters call about rumors and lawsuits … launching new companies and strategizing how we can build those companies into trusted and admired brands.

It’s been a diverse, fun and wonderful career.

But, I will tell you I am most often the speechwriter, not the speaker, so this kind of spotlight is not my typical sweet spot … and it can be a bit intimidating.

I ask you to be patient with me today. And for those of you whose fathers may have been my classmates – that’s you Blunda, Tuohy, Giglio, Cutola and Briamonte -- tell them all I did a great job – no matter how this goes!!

Career Day

So let’s start ... Career Day!  Career can be such a daunting word. 

It sounds so Adult (My mother or my grandfather has a career).  It sounds so Permanent (it’s not just a job… it’s a career). It sounds so loaded with heavy expectations.  Expectations from our teachers, … from our parents, … and from ourselves.  You’ve been hearing it your whole life – what are going to be when you grow up?

This morning, I’d like to share three quick lessons to help lighten that heavy load as you think about your future and your career … and as we kickoff some great discussions with other alumni today. 

Do what you love – and where you shine

First, when I was growing up I loved playing basketball. I grew up in Jersey City, … playing ball with Bobby and Danny Hurley down in Country Village – guys whom many of you may know as amazing college basketball players at Duke and Seton Hall and coaches today at Arizona State and UConn.

And, when I came to Prep, I played basketball. Right there (pointing) was where I got my clock cleaned on a blindside pick by my best friend Mark Usarzewicz. Over there (pointing), was where I missed the switch on a screen in a game with Hudson Catholic, which cost us the game. Something my teammate and classmate Billy Deakyne never lets me forget to this day.

I loved playing basketball … and the summer before my junior year I was working hard to make varsity. I worked on my left hand all summer, … I lifted weights to bulk up, … I played in Jersey City summer leagues every week to get better.

But before tryouts started in the late fall that year, the coach met me in his office – somewhere here in the English building – and told me I wasn’t going to make the team. He loved my passion, … had watched me work all summer and knew I was trying hard, … but it was really competitive to win a spot on varsity.

So I kept playing basketball for fun and in intramurals, … but, I also discovered something else I loved while I was at Prep.  Writing.

Whether it was an English paper on Hamlet or Paradise Lost … an article for the Petroc  … or creative stories for the literary magazine, … Writing was something I loved to do … and perhaps more importantly it was something I was really good at. As time passed, I discovered it was something I could be great at.

Writing was something people appreciated about me … an ability and talent where I excelled … and a career that people would someday pay me to do for their companies and executives.

So why do I tell this story? Because the trendy thingy to say on Career Days is “Do Something You Love” … and I think that can be true, but a bit misleading.

Look, I loved basketball, but there was no amount of practice or passion that was going to get me to the NBA.

Writing was different … I loved it … and with practice and hard work I would get better and better and better. And actually make it the foundation of my career.

My point is you should definitely find a career doing something you love. That’s great. But, also pick something at which you are exceptional…. Where you shine.

When you combine a passion … with your special talent (and each of you has one) … that is when others will see your greatness, your gifts and your value.  That will be the real secret to building yourself a great career. 

Don’t be frozen by failure

Changing gears now … when I was student at Saint Peter’s University, I had a part-time job at a law firm up at Journal Square. I spent my afternoons reading legal briefs in a conference room, … taking notes, … filing, … and I was miserable. I hated it.

I remember getting the flu and actually preferring being home sick to going into the law office. That was when I knew it was not for me, so I quit, but I felt a bit like a failure.

A few years later, when I graduated from College with my degree in English – remember I loved writing – I could not find a job. It was a bit embarrassing … I graduated top of my class and I had no real prospects. 

I wound up interviewing to work in one of the big banks. Just to have a job. It was not work I was passionate about … and it was not something I thought I could excel at. I worked with words, not numbers. So, instead, I decided to try graduate school – almost a way to put off feeling like a failure at starting my career.

I went on to get a master’s degree in Communications at Fordham University, which turned out to be an amazing and formative year for my writing and career. I eventually got my first job in Public Relations at AT&T and spent a great 14 years there and at Lucent Technologies learning about Communications and growing in my skills.

I would eventually shift gears take a new job in Manhattan doing corporate communications with Pfizer. But after 3 months, it was a disaster and I knew I needed to leave.  Lots of reasons, but it was not the right fit.  Another career failure, I thought.

But, were these failures? What did I learn from these moments?

I learned not to be frozen by what you may perceive as failures. These were all important, but difficult, moments in my life.

 

I learned something each time about myself, …  about what I wanted to do, … and in some cases, more importantly, about what I did not want to do. I learned where I could shine and what made me happy. I kept moving forward.

Build relationships, not just resumes

Finally, I would tell you that great careers are built on great relationships, … not just degrees and dollars. 

And I have been fortunate to have many important relationships shape my career – many with their roots in Prep.

Jim Horan today is Prep’s Vice President of Major Gifts and Planning, and back in my day he was a Journalism teacher and administrator of External Affairs. Jim encouraged me as a Prep student to pursue writing and communications. And, he is still a writer and communicator I admire today. One of the best.

Prep alumnus Frank D’Amelio was someone I got to know in my early days at Lucent and he most recently retired from an amazing career at Pfizer. Frank became a colleague, friend and mentor over the years. Whenever I made big career decisions about leaving a job at Lucent, … or joining a new company like Zoetis, … Frank was there to offer his connections … his counsel … and his Hoboken style of encouragement.

And, whenever, I have had career choices to make … it was my closest friends from Prep whom I reached out to for support and advice.

So look around…

That guy at your lunch table who copies your homework today … may be the lawyer you are calling in 20 years for advice.

The friend on your train who has to borrow money for a Coke and is struggling with Calculus … may actually become your financial advisor in 10 or 15 years.     

And the teammate in your soccer, football or lacrosse team … may be the close friend you call when you come to a crossroads in your life or career and need someone to listen. 

Your relationships at Prep will matter, gentlemen  -- today and always.  As Dr.  Gomez has been saying this year, you are in Good Company. Never forget it.

Close

So, to wrap up …. as you spend today – and future days – thinking about your careers, I hope you will remember these lessons:

First. Do what you love … and grow where you shine.

Second. Don’t be frozen by failure. Be positive, learn and move forward.

And third. Build relationships, not just your resume.  Those will make all the difference in your life and your career.

Thank you for your time and attention. Go Prep!  Have a great day!

# # #

How CPR Saved My Life and Shaped My Career

Photo by Joshua Chehov on Unsplash

Okay, now that I have your attention, I should say that I did not have a heart attack. Let me explain.

About 25 years ago, I was early in my career doing corporate communications for a spinoff company called Lucent Technologies. It was the first of a few dream jobs for me. I had become the junior member of the new corporate media relations team that had just helped launched this company and brand with much fanfare and success (it didn’t last, but that’s another story). It was fun, exciting, and I was learning a ton from some amazing public relations pros that had grown up in AT&T.

One of those pros was Jane, the head of media relations. She was my boss, and we had a great connection, sharing youthful roots in Hudson County and affiliations with Saint Peter’s College. For me, Jane was part wise teacher, part tough coach and part big sister. She taught me about tight writing, reading reporters and dealing with crises. She also kept me laughing and gave me dating advice (Lose the turtlenecks!) – usually at the same time.

One typical work day, we were wrapping up and I was heading home. I said good night to Jane as she was packing up and heading off to a family thing. We would be the last ones out, which was pretty usual for a weeknight of late deadlines.

The next morning came and I arrived at the office for my usual routine, working the morning media report with one of my colleagues, when one of our directors called everyone into his office. He had the unenviable and heartbreaking task of telling us all that Jane had died unexpectedly and tragically the night before. Boom! There would be no more hearty laughter echoing from her office … no more rants about corporate stupidity or bad reporting … no more voicemails saying, “Do me a favor, Bill.” 

As you might expect. it hit everyone incredibly hard in our organization, and I was deeply impacted by the events and the way our team reacted individually and collectively. For me, this part of my career – my life – would leave a lasting imprint on how I wanted to work with people, and eventually lead teams, in my corporate career. It laid the foundation for several beliefs – what I coined as my own CPR -- that I have tried to live by over the years. 

Reflecting on Work and Leadership

Not long after Jane’s passing, I was given the opportunity to participate in one of those Ivy League Executive Education programs.  You go away for a few weeks, get your mini-MBA and reflect on your leadership style with like-minded aspiring executives. I was a bit on the young side in my cohort, and one of the final exercises was to think about your leadership story. I thought a lot about our Lucent team, the amazing work we did, and the way we worked through difficult times like Jane’s passing.

On the last day, a few people volunteered to tell their stories to the group in an auditorium. I didn’t think I could do it. While I am a “communicator,” presenting in front of crowds was not my sweet spot. But, I stood up there, told the story about Jane, what I learned and how it shaped me.

What I spoke about then was the C and P of my leadership beliefs (R would come later).

Community

When I think about what I enjoy about work -- and picking a place and team where I can do my best work -- it begins with Community.

We all spend lots of hours with our co-workers (In the Lucent days and since I have probably spent too many hours at work, but that’s another story). In the days and months after Jane’s passing, our entire organization mourned together. We realized we may have come together initially as co-workers, but in the end our bonds, concern and support for each other ran much deeper, especially at a time like this. That sense of community would remain evident even as the years passed.

As job arrangements change and you join new companies, you find that certain people remain in your life. In some cases, if you are lucky, those “work friends” become “just friends.” You continue to connect. Conversations become more about life and less about the latest career achievement or corporate gossip.

My lasting insight was that I wanted to know about my team’s families, their hobbies, their passions, their back stories. I wanted to share jokes, dinners, complaints, peeves and personal moments, not just be all business and transactional.

Most people would tell you I can be very serious and intense when I am working, and I may not always seem like the “warm and fuzzy” type at the office, but that sense of community matters to me. I have always been genuinely curious and interested in building those connections with people, and when you don’t have that, the workplace can feel hollow and cold.

Perspective

The next insight I have taken to heart is Perspective.

Going through the death of a loved one or a close co-worker can often provide the jolt you need to re-set your mind and keep work’s trivial problems and oversized expectations in perspective.

In the aftermath of Jane’s passing, I got a new boss Paula who was the most even-keeled person I ever worked for. She taught me that on most days, the world was not going to end for a typo or a missed call. We would figure it out and correct course together. The reality is if you aren’t making some mistakes then you aren’t trying new things and learning. My counsel to my teams has been: We will make mistakes. It happens. Let’s just not make the same one twice.

Over the years, this was probably the hardest lesson to learn, but it is one that has meant the most to me. In the corporate world, too often, there can be unrealistic expectations of perfection in everything. If you aren’t maximizing every opportunity and sweating every little detail, then you are made to feel like a slacker and the ulcers and anxiety can become constant companions.

I often find myself coaching my teams to know the difference between the “critical path” work that needs perfection – those where we all need to rally together – versus other work that needs to be “done” so we have more time and focus for the critical path assignments. When everything is urgent and requires a “gold-plated” approach, there is a cost in morale, engagement and satisfaction. If someone spots that off-kilter graphic on slide 39, or the missing Oxford comma on paragraph 5, congratulate them for finding the “Easter egg” you left. Correct it and move on.  

Knowing the difference between critical and nice-to-have helps you keep work life and personal wellness in the right perspective.  

Professionalism

Community and Perspective are wonderful, but at the end of the day I can get that from my family, my friends, or a pick-up basketball game. In my career, I want to work with people who take great pride in delivering high-quality, impactful work. Great results matter. Achieving goals matter. Setting high standards matter.  Professionalism matters.

On the day we found out about Jane’s passing, one of my colleagues demonstrated that professionalism for me in a profound way. One of my older co-workers, John, grew up working in newsrooms. He had “ink under his fingernails” as they used to say, and he also knew the newsroom never stopped. Shortly after the initial shock and tears about Jane, he grabbed me and took me to his office, and he said we have a job to do. We sat down at his computer and wrote Jane’s obituary in perfect AP style.

Whether it has been prepping for CEO interviews … quelling crises … announcing acquisitions … reporting earnings and running Annual Meetings … executing investor days or NYSE bell-ringings … rolling out new company strategies and introducing new leaders, John and many others over the years would instill in me a strong sense of work ethic, accountability, professionalism and pride in delivering great communications. It’s why we do what we do.

Respect and Recognition

Later in my career, I added the Rs to my leadership beliefs – Respect and Recognition.

You learn great lessons in your career from the leaders you want to emulate, but you can earn equally great lessons from the leaders you don’t want to be.

You will always encounter difficult situations in the workplace. Job assignments that don’t work out. Work styles that don’t mesh. Different philosophies or views on strategy and goals. Conflict is natural, necessary and sometimes even productive. Whatever the conflict or situation, though, dealing with people respectfully and honestly is a standard I hope I can always keep.

There’s no need to rehash some of these stories. While they felt very negative at the time, in the end they put me in a much better place and taught me very positive lessons about the leader I want to be. 

Recognizing people’s value and contributions is the final piece and the most rewarding. I have had leaders over the years who always seized the opportunity to thank people in the moment and to make it a priority. No event was ended or project finished until people were thanked. Recognition is something best served “warm” and “warmly.” It’s not always about the grand gesture, big celebration and award (although those are nice, too). It’s about your sincerity … letting people know that you see them, appreciate them, and understand what they contributed to achieving this goal. That handshake, hug, text or note says everything to the recipient – and says volumes about the leader.

Wrapping Up

A couple of decades later, I was the guy calling everyone into his office to tell them sad news about a colleague who had passed away after an illness.  I was the one shutting his door to write the tribute for Elinore and run the communications of this news to others. And, I found comfort in knowing I was in a place and with colleagues and friends who shared many of those same beliefs -- Community, Perspective, Professionalism, Respect and Recognition.

And, that’s it, CPR may not have “saved” my life, but it has definitely made my work life a whole lot more meaningful, fun and effective.

Driving Miss Tess

"You know that you aren't driving with Tess to school this morning, right? She has her license now," said my wife as the cold splash of reality hit me.

I had gotten used to our morning routine on school days. I would get my tea, clean out the dishwasher, read the news on my iPad and impatiently wait for Tess to come downstairs with her backpack. She would drive us both to school, practicing and learning her first lessons of the school day behind the wheel.

My more experienced friends have often told me to tread lightly with a teenage daughter's emotions, outbursts and deadly silence. I've read books trying to understand my ineptitude in finding the right topics, questions and words that might make for a civil conversation. There have been a lot of slamming doors, screaming outbursts and tears (and that was just me :) ... Patience. Patience. Patience.

MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

Over the last year of teaching Tess to drive, it has been very different. She has tolerated her father a bit more than usual, and we found common ground. We discovered a safe place (a black Toyota RAV4),... a neutral topic (driving)... and an appropriate tone (quiet, instructive), that we could both agree to. 

Our interests were aligned for the first time in years. She wanted her driver's license and access to a car. I wanted a peaceful and enjoyable time with my daughter. And, we all agreed that I was a better driving option than her mother, who did not have the nerves or restraint to drive with a teen.  

Teaching a teenager to drive can be a very stressful experience for everyone, but I was lucky with Tess (my daughter Emma was whole different experience). Tess was goal-oriented -- what will it take to get my license and more independence? Listen to dad? OK. Spend a few hours a week in the car with him? OK. Don't talk back? OK.

GROUND RULES

Our driving time together followed certain patterns and ground rules: 

-- I would always start with one half-joking/half-serious question: Are you mentally prepared to drive? I seriously wanted to know if that was her focus when she was getting behind the wheel. She shouldn't be distracted, tired or upset about something else if she was going to drive. If there were other things going on in her mind, that was okay, but it wasn't time to drive a car.  

-- Once we got in the car, we had Dad's annoying litany of checks. Glasses? (Put on your glasses). License? (Make sure you have your license) Phone? (Put it away, or connect it to the car for some low music and turn on Do Not Disturb); Seatbelts? (For you and your passenger). Mirrors. (Check all your mirrors and visibility). Gear (Let's go.). I eventually got the exasperated "Dad, I know" comment as I would sit in my passenger seat and go through the checklist, but my hope is that it runs through her head and stays with her even when I am not there. I repeated a lot of other checklists and tips that I hope she'll remember in the years to come -- Never be in rush to get to a red light.  Slow down ... Are you ready to turn? Then "Gas 'N Go," don't meander through an intersection. ... Don't crowd the car in front of you at a red light? It you can't see their rear tires, you're too close...

-- Speak softly and carry a Waze app. I grew up in Jersey City, living every day with loud noises and louder people, so my normal speaking voice can be a bit harsher than my children's genteel, suburban ears are accustomed to. "Dad, stop yelling," they will say. "I am not yelling. I am just speaking loudly to get my point across. You don't know what yelling is." When I was driving with Tess, I spoke as softly as possible and she actually listened. When I did raise my voice (to avoid death from an oncoming car), Tess would object, "You're yelling at me" and then I would quietly explain that I had nothing but my voice to help control this car -- and if she wasn't responding to my "gentle" instructions then all I could do was raise my voice until she listened.  We eventually reached an understanding. We also agreed I could use my Waze app -- even though it might annoy her when she was driving the same way to school every day -- because I wanted to watch her speed and know if there was any detours ahead.

Tess successfully passed her driver's test last week. I was incredibly proud of my "student," but a little sad for myself. Our driving lessons are over and this special "dad and daughter" time has come to an end. Stay safe, Tess. Indulge your Dad with a drive once in while.  It's my favorite place to spend time with you ... and on terms we both seem to like.  Love you! 

Thanksgiving 2020 -- To Happiness, Health and Hope

Morristown Nov. 26, 2020

This year, Thanksgiving will be different. No doubt about it. As the rain comes down here in Morristown, I try not to lean into the dreary, drab and depressing feelings that come from a holiday weekend shadowed by COVID-19.

Instead, I look back at past photos and Thanksgiving blog posts about treasures found in 2019 or 2014. The faces, food and thoughts bring me back to a good place... a place I want to be. I begin to find the positive spirit that so often embodies this holiday for me.

Thanksgiving 2015

Each year, I give a Thanksgiving toast among our friends and family who join us. Nothing fancy or formal. Just a moment to capture the year. As I think about this unique year, three sentiments come to mind. Feelings that we need this year, more than ever.

In this year, I am thankful for three things:
-- Happiness. The smiles, laughs and warmth that come from ordinary moments like watching movies or videos with my kids,... calling old friends to re-connect and reminisce,... laughing and commiserating with co-workers on video calls,... enjoying peaceful walks in the park,... or chuckling at the antics of our dog and cats. Happiness comes in many shapes and sizes, not just the grand events and milestones. Look for it. Cherish it in every moment that you find it.

-- Health. With 260,000 deaths in the U.S. from COVID-19 and nearly 1.5 million deaths worldwide, we have never been more focused on -- or more appreciative of -- our health. We have realized collectively how many of us take good health for granted, especially in the U.S. We've also recognized how interconnected we all are, and how much we need to rely on each other, front-line medical workers and the sustainability of our healthcare systems. It's an appreciation and importance that should never wane after this pandemic.

-- Hope. It's about focusing on the selflessness, patience and kindness people have shown in these challenging times. The sacrifices that so many are willing to make and the generosity people have exhibited. It's the power of science and people to overcome any challenge. It's the belief we can overcome anything and tomorrow will be better.

So, that is my simple toast for Thanksgiving... wishing you and your families Happiness, Health and Hope as you celebrate this day. Stay safe, well and wonderful!

Reflections on Father's Day -- It All Means Something

Last weekend, I had one of those quiet fatherhood milestones that no one ever told me about. 

I was sitting in the kitchen with my two daughters, wife and their grandmother. I have always been the storyteller in our family... the one recounting -- and maybe embellishing a bit -- the memories of our life as a family. This evening was different. 

Out Banks, NC, 2009?

My daughters, Tess and Emma, are 16 and 18, and they started to tell the stories, sharing their memories of beach vacations in the Outer Banks with their cousins. Their cousin who was terribly afraid of butterflies. The toddler who would exit the pool to say "moo," squat and "fill" her diaper. The nearly "tragic" go-cart debacle when all the cousins had a crash and sent the track attendant into a fit.  I got to see those days from their more adult perspective for a few moments. We laughed a lot. The truth is I realized in that moment it all meant something to them, too.

As a father, you spend a lot of days thinking you are some type of "provider" or "protector" for your family. You may have some type of romanticized ideal of fatherhood. You wonder what that idea of fatherhood means in the suburbs of the 21st century. You hope all the tickling, toys, tuitions, trips and talks mean something to your children. And, you may wonder about that often until you sit in the kitchen on a spring day and they tell you about a memory they have.

It All Means Something

On my walk this morning, I thought about my nearly 80-year old father and a few of the "little boy" memories I may not have shared with him.  

I remember the time we picked up some Sabrett hotdogs from a "dirty water truck" on Danforth Avenue in Jersey City. As we drove away, I bit into my hotdog and discovered it smothered in mustard -- not ketchup (yes, I like ketchup on hotdogs -- but that is a whole other story). I was probably 7 or 8 years old and I was ticked off, so I rolled down the window of my Dad's Chevy Impala and threw my hotdogs right out the car window and cried. Somehow my father held it together and didn't throw me out of the car window after them. Ha! Supreme patience.It meant something.

I remember my Dad sitting in the stands for countless basketball games, or in the dugout for a few Little League baseball seasons. Driving me all over Hudson County for basketball summer leagues. One day, he almost blew a blood vessel when my grammar basketball school team played in the Yanitelli Center at St. Peter's College (the big game), and the coach never put me in for my moment in the big time (I was more relieved than anything considering the game featured my teammate, future Duke Star Bobby Hurley, and future Yankee pitcher Willie Banks on the other team). It meant something.

I remember all the barbecues in our backyard in Jersey City. My father on the grill. Friends and family passing through over the years, everyone cramming onto the patch of grass that was my father's urban "garden." My dog Buddy barking and chasing kids down the alleyway. My mother's deviled eggs. I remember passing food and condiments out of our first floor apartment window and down to folks standing in the yard. Playing darts (real darts, not lawn darts) with an ancient board propped on a ladder in the yard. Family. Fun. Food. Laughs. It meant something. 

I remember being a little boy, visiting my father when he worked at Bell Labs in Murray Hill, NJ. What a huge and mythical place (I would work there 20 years later). How proud my Dad was to show off his son, "Billy" ... "the third," to his crew in the mail room or the machine shops. As we would eat in the cafeteria or walk through those long hallways, everyone seemed to know my Dad and greeted him with a smile and a handshake. Hard work, Pride, Respect. It meant something.

Good times and great memories that helped make me the father I am today. It all meant something, Pop.  It still does. Thank you for everything.  Have a special Father's Day.  Love you...

Father's Day 2019