How CPR Saved My Life and Shaped My Career

Photo by Joshua Chehov on Unsplash

Okay, now that I have your attention, I should say that I did not have a heart attack. Let me explain.

About 25 years ago, I was early in my career doing corporate communications for a spinoff company called Lucent Technologies. It was the first of a few dream jobs for me. I had become the junior member of the new corporate media relations team that had just helped launched this company and brand with much fanfare and success (it didn’t last, but that’s another story). It was fun, exciting, and I was learning a ton from some amazing public relations pros that had grown up in AT&T.

One of those pros was Jane, the head of media relations. She was my boss, and we had a great connection, sharing youthful roots in Hudson County and affiliations with Saint Peter’s College. For me, Jane was part wise teacher, part tough coach and part big sister. She taught me about tight writing, reading reporters and dealing with crises. She also kept me laughing and gave me dating advice (Lose the turtlenecks!) – usually at the same time.

One typical work day, we were wrapping up and I was heading home. I said good night to Jane as she was packing up and heading off to a family thing. We would be the last ones out, which was pretty usual for a weeknight of late deadlines.

The next morning came and I arrived at the office for my usual routine, working the morning media report with one of my colleagues, when one of our directors called everyone into his office. He had the unenviable and heartbreaking task of telling us all that Jane had died unexpectedly and tragically the night before. Boom! There would be no more hearty laughter echoing from her office … no more rants about corporate stupidity or bad reporting … no more voicemails saying, “Do me a favor, Bill.” 

As you might expect. it hit everyone incredibly hard in our organization, and I was deeply impacted by the events and the way our team reacted individually and collectively. For me, this part of my career – my life – would leave a lasting imprint on how I wanted to work with people, and eventually lead teams, in my corporate career. It laid the foundation for several beliefs – what I coined as my own CPR -- that I have tried to live by over the years. 

Reflecting on Work and Leadership

Not long after Jane’s passing, I was given the opportunity to participate in one of those Ivy League Executive Education programs.  You go away for a few weeks, get your mini-MBA and reflect on your leadership style with like-minded aspiring executives. I was a bit on the young side in my cohort, and one of the final exercises was to think about your leadership story. I thought a lot about our Lucent team, the amazing work we did, and the way we worked through difficult times like Jane’s passing.

On the last day, a few people volunteered to tell their stories to the group in an auditorium. I didn’t think I could do it. While I am a “communicator,” presenting in front of crowds was not my sweet spot. But, I stood up there, told the story about Jane, what I learned and how it shaped me.

What I spoke about then was the C and P of my leadership beliefs (R would come later).

Community

When I think about what I enjoy about work -- and picking a place and team where I can do my best work -- it begins with Community.

We all spend lots of hours with our co-workers (In the Lucent days and since I have probably spent too many hours at work, but that’s another story). In the days and months after Jane’s passing, our entire organization mourned together. We realized we may have come together initially as co-workers, but in the end our bonds, concern and support for each other ran much deeper, especially at a time like this. That sense of community would remain evident even as the years passed.

As job arrangements change and you join new companies, you find that certain people remain in your life. In some cases, if you are lucky, those “work friends” become “just friends.” You continue to connect. Conversations become more about life and less about the latest career achievement or corporate gossip.

My lasting insight was that I wanted to know about my team’s families, their hobbies, their passions, their back stories. I wanted to share jokes, dinners, complaints, peeves and personal moments, not just be all business and transactional.

Most people would tell you I can be very serious and intense when I am working, and I may not always seem like the “warm and fuzzy” type at the office, but that sense of community matters to me. I have always been genuinely curious and interested in building those connections with people, and when you don’t have that, the workplace can feel hollow and cold.

Perspective

The next insight I have taken to heart is Perspective.

Going through the death of a loved one or a close co-worker can often provide the jolt you need to re-set your mind and keep work’s trivial problems and oversized expectations in perspective.

In the aftermath of Jane’s passing, I got a new boss Paula who was the most even-keeled person I ever worked for. She taught me that on most days, the world was not going to end for a typo or a missed call. We would figure it out and correct course together. The reality is if you aren’t making some mistakes then you aren’t trying new things and learning. My counsel to my teams has been: We will make mistakes. It happens. Let’s just not make the same one twice.

Over the years, this was probably the hardest lesson to learn, but it is one that has meant the most to me. In the corporate world, too often, there can be unrealistic expectations of perfection in everything. If you aren’t maximizing every opportunity and sweating every little detail, then you are made to feel like a slacker and the ulcers and anxiety can become constant companions.

I often find myself coaching my teams to know the difference between the “critical path” work that needs perfection – those where we all need to rally together – versus other work that needs to be “done” so we have more time and focus for the critical path assignments. When everything is urgent and requires a “gold-plated” approach, there is a cost in morale, engagement and satisfaction. If someone spots that off-kilter graphic on slide 39, or the missing Oxford comma on paragraph 5, congratulate them for finding the “Easter egg” you left. Correct it and move on.  

Knowing the difference between critical and nice-to-have helps you keep work life and personal wellness in the right perspective.  

Professionalism

Community and Perspective are wonderful, but at the end of the day I can get that from my family, my friends, or a pick-up basketball game. In my career, I want to work with people who take great pride in delivering high-quality, impactful work. Great results matter. Achieving goals matter. Setting high standards matter.  Professionalism matters.

On the day we found out about Jane’s passing, one of my colleagues demonstrated that professionalism for me in a profound way. One of my older co-workers, John, grew up working in newsrooms. He had “ink under his fingernails” as they used to say, and he also knew the newsroom never stopped. Shortly after the initial shock and tears about Jane, he grabbed me and took me to his office, and he said we have a job to do. We sat down at his computer and wrote Jane’s obituary in perfect AP style.

Whether it has been prepping for CEO interviews … quelling crises … announcing acquisitions … reporting earnings and running Annual Meetings … executing investor days or NYSE bell-ringings … rolling out new company strategies and introducing new leaders, John and many others over the years would instill in me a strong sense of work ethic, accountability, professionalism and pride in delivering great communications. It’s why we do what we do.

Respect and Recognition

Later in my career, I added the Rs to my leadership beliefs – Respect and Recognition.

You learn great lessons in your career from the leaders you want to emulate, but you can earn equally great lessons from the leaders you don’t want to be.

You will always encounter difficult situations in the workplace. Job assignments that don’t work out. Work styles that don’t mesh. Different philosophies or views on strategy and goals. Conflict is natural, necessary and sometimes even productive. Whatever the conflict or situation, though, dealing with people respectfully and honestly is a standard I hope I can always keep.

There’s no need to rehash some of these stories. While they felt very negative at the time, in the end they put me in a much better place and taught me very positive lessons about the leader I want to be. 

Recognizing people’s value and contributions is the final piece and the most rewarding. I have had leaders over the years who always seized the opportunity to thank people in the moment and to make it a priority. No event was ended or project finished until people were thanked. Recognition is something best served “warm” and “warmly.” It’s not always about the grand gesture, big celebration and award (although those are nice, too). It’s about your sincerity … letting people know that you see them, appreciate them, and understand what they contributed to achieving this goal. That handshake, hug, text or note says everything to the recipient – and says volumes about the leader.

Wrapping Up

A couple of decades later, I was the guy calling everyone into his office to tell them sad news about a colleague who had passed away after an illness.  I was the one shutting his door to write the tribute for Elinore and run the communications of this news to others. And, I found comfort in knowing I was in a place and with colleagues and friends who shared many of those same beliefs -- Community, Perspective, Professionalism, Respect and Recognition.

And, that’s it, CPR may not have “saved” my life, but it has definitely made my work life a whole lot more meaningful, fun and effective.

Classroom on the Court: "Picking Up" a Lifetime of Education

I've spent nearly one-third of my life in classrooms and enjoyed the instruction of brilliant and inspiring teachers that laid the foundation of my education. I've spent about two-thirds of my life in business offices, working at well-respected companies for some amazing bosses who taught me skills and knowledge that have helped me build my career. But, in between that class time and those business hours, I've learned some of my most valuable life lessons in a very different place.

When I think about places that have helped shape who I am, what I enjoy, and how I treat others, one place stands out: the basketball court -- or more specifically the pick-up basketball games I played throughout my life.

Whether it was Country Village Park, the Yanitelli Center, the Lombardi Field House, the Assumption School gym or other stops along the way, I've spent my life "picking up" games with friends and strangers who shared a common passion, a little sweat and simple respect.

Thinking back on some of these games and places, I can still see many of the diverse faces, sizes and shapes of the other players,... feel the damp cold of some courts and the suffocating heat of others,... and hear the squeak of sneakers on a newly waxed floor or the clang of a ball on a loose outdoor rim,

Country Village Park

I spent a lot of my time as a young kid and through high school, playing on the outdoor courts in Country Village (and the courts at Our Lady of Mercy School).  These were asphalt hard top courts, which were buzzing with games in the summer.

Much of the "grip" from this basketball
 was left on the Country Village Courts

There were three courts and mostly school kids all over the place during the summer. I would get there early and spend hours at the park shooting by myself to improve my game. I learned the lesson of putting in the time and practice to get better. The truth is you wouldn't get picked for a game or keep a court by winning if you didn't have some skills.

I would get into pick-up games with my friends or whoever was around (one-time Leonard Marshall from the NY Giants came by). Simply walking up to a stranger or group at another basket with a little confidence was all it took: "Wanna play?" Three-on-three or five-on-five, it didn't matter. The etiquette was easily understood.

The local kids in Country Village -- mostly from OLM -- "ran" the park, but pick-up games were a bit of an equalizer.  If you came to shoot around, people didn't bother you and would usually include you in a run. The occasional rival crew from St. Paul's or kids from the Curries Woods projects would come by and basketball was the peacemaker.

Where I grew up, there were simple rules and you followed them.  If you scored, you kept the ball (Winner takes). You didn't play dirty. You called your own fouls -- and everyone respected the call. There wasn't much "trash talk" in these games back in the 1980s. If you lost, it was next team up or shoot to see who got to play. It was good, clean, competitive fun.

Yanitelli Center

When I got to college, my pick-up games moved indoors to the bright lights and hardwood floors of Yanitelli Center at Saint Peter's College in Jersey City. Free court time was tough to get with team practices, intramurals, etc., all competing for time, but there were always good runs at night with top-notch players (current and former college players, community members, coaches and athletes from Jersey City). It was some really good basketball at a whole other level and speed -- not the rough and tumble play I was used to in Country Village.

Victor R. Yanitelli Recreational Life Center
at Saint Peter's College (now University)
in Jersey City

The court rules were generally the same, but a scrawny, 5'7 kid had his work cut out for him to get in -- and stay in -- these games.  In this environment, I learned how to fit in,... how to read people ... and I got to know more people who weren't like me.

I became friendly with some of the regular guys and learned their names (Van, John, Tommy). I respected people's boundaries. I passed a whole lot, hustled on both ends, kept my mouth shot and tried to keep my mistakes to a minimum. Looking back, it was an early place where I learned how to network. I became a familiar face, someone who people liked having on their team.

Lombardi Center

When I went to graduate school in the Bronx, I was trying to become part of a whole new community at Fordham University. I didn't know anyone, and my roommate was not a match (that's a story for another time). Most of the other students in my program were part-time or didn't live on campus, so life in the Bronx was a bit solitary.

Lombardi Field House

I started to shoot at the courts in the Lombardi Memorial Center. A big track field house type of facility with an indoor basketball court amidst the track and tennis courts. I discovered that they had a regular pick-up game at noon every day. It was a game organized by guys from the Athletics Department -- administrators, trainers, a few coaches. It was a "closed" game (no students and only select outsiders), but my time and lessons from Yanitelli made it easy to make the right connections and fit in here.

My grad school life was simple -- reading, studying, class, and basketball. I loved those basketball games. It was a friendly group and a daily reminder of what I loved about basketball.  No matter what else was going on with school or life, for that hour it was just competitive fun... make that shot ... thread that pass ... set that screen ... forget everything else. Basketball has always been that kind of refuge and happy place for me no matter what else has been going on in life.

Assumption School

I picked up games here and there after grad school, but as life went on with marriage, kids and growing older, the games and opportunities became less frequent.

When I got into my 40s, some dads from Assumption School and Parish in Morristown started a pick-up game at the school on weeknights. What a great opportunity to find that refuge and fun again. We have been running "old man basketball" -- as my kids call it -- for several years.  The crew has changed a lot over the years with a few constant faces. We have a mix of doctors, brokers, teachers, coaches, executives, etc., but we all lace up our sneakers and leave it out on the court for a couple of hours each week.

The backyard rim
where I still pick up a game
with the kids and cousins

My steps are slower and the shots drop less frequently at "old man basketball," but many of the life lessons from pick-up basketball remain.

• Keep the rules simple
• Enjoy the competition (it's not all about winning)
• Find common ground with others
• Respect people and what they bring to the group 
• Learn to read people and figure out how to fit in
• Do what you love as long as you can

As I get older, I enjoy and cherish each game a bit more. I know my days are numbered in this "classroom" where I picked up a lifetime of education.