Truth is ... Success comes along with being nice

"Good night, Emma," he said.  And whoosh, she is off to the car in a flash without noticing or acknowledging her drama teacher's farewell.  Her father slinks behind her, saying thank you and good night to her teacher.

What was that?

Emma is a 12-year old girl. Do you know one?  Most times, she can be bubbly and funny with her family and friends.  The life of the party.  Her impersonation of Grandma's s Ohio twang, or her non-sensical My Little Pony songs, would leave you in stitches. Put her on a stage and she can belt out a song from Broadway to shake the rafters.  Catch her in the right mood and she is the PG version of Sarah Silverman. Leave her to entertain a group of 4 year-olds and she is on fire, a Pied Piper with a fan club.

But put her in the midst of a crowd, a room of strangers, or people she just honestly isn't interested in knowing, and she can seem distant and aloof.  She floats along on her own little cloud, an iPhone in her hand and a song in her head.  She is independent -- and at times oblivious to others.

What do I say to her when she ignores her drama teacher's "good bye" for the second night in a row.  There are  the standard lines about "having good manners ... being courteous to other people ... how would you feel if someone ignored you?"  I try all of those, and I get back, "I didn't hear him.  ... It's not a big deal... I wouldn't care."

50% of success in life comes from just being nice 

I try appealing to her desire to succeed at being an actress. I tell her the the truth is ... 50% of success in life comes from just being nice to people.  A smile and hello.  A please and thank you.  A sincere how are you.  Opening a door.  An unexpected comment or act of kindness.

We all like nice people.  People who are friendly, kind and polite.  Who doesn't root for George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life or Kristina Braverman in Parenthood.  We all cheer when good things happen to nice people (or cry when bad things happen to good people).  And the truth is ... we want to help them.  We want to be their friend.  We want to see them smile, help them succeed.  We want to believe that kindness and niceness will be rewarded.  

I think about the young people I have wanted to help in my career. I am always willing to speak to the interns and young students who get referred to me, but it's the ones who are talented -- and NICE -- who will get my extra effort.  The college kid who is appreciative, polite and earnest leaves a good impression on me.  I want to talk with them.  I will make a call to help them out.  Pass along their resume.  Give them meaningful advice.  Listen to them.  Pay it forward.

When I started out in my career, I had good grades and had done internships.  It made me more marketable, hopefully more talented, but it made no guarantees of employment.  It was the manager who remembered the "nice" intern, who returned my call and said why don't you come in and meet our new boss who would take a chance on this "kid," open a door for me and become a mentor and friend for life.

Working with nice people makes a difference

I have enjoyed a wonderful career in business, but I have also had my share of amazing crises and dark days, too. When SEC investigations loomed or recalls hit, our teams didn't run for the door. We banded together and did some of our best work. We smiled, joked and got each other through those times because those teams were some of the nicest (and most talented) people I have ever known and had the privilege to work with.

And when the "not nice" people came in, you just didn't care as much.  Your cynicism got a bit thicker. Your patience wore a bit thinner.  Your attention waned.  Your sense of loyalty and trust was damaged.  And you just didn't give that "not nice" person your best effort.  You didn't invest in their success.  Simon Sinek speaks about leaders who sacrifice themselves for others (Why did you do it?  Because they would've done it for me).  Call it lots of fancy things, but the leaders I admire -- the ones who I see as models of success -- are nice people at heart.  See Merriam's definition of nice here -- giving pleasure ... good quality ... kind, polite, friendly.

I am reminded of a quote I had never heard until this year when Maya Angelou passed away and her memorable words were all over Facebook.




Maybe Maya Angelou's words could explain it to my Emma.  We all remember the nice people and how they make us feel.  And isn't that the best legacy -- the greatest success -- of all?

"Good night, Emma," he said this week.  "Good night, Sean," she said with a smile and walked over and gave her dad a hug. What a nice girl, my Emma.  :)