Values Should Be More Than Something You "Have"

I admire people who have clear moral convictions in life.  Those who see the world as black and white.  It must certainly make life a lot easier.

I am a bit more of a gray guy on many issues.  I tend to listen to lots of perspectives and usually find some virtue in arguments on many sides. My wife would tell you that when I am in a "mood" I will over think everything.

In the end, I may just have a gut feel that makes me lean one way or the other on an issue.  And ashamedly, at times, I may just make the easy choice and go along with my crowd. I might stick with a long-held belief, without any fresh examination or justification, and choose a side simply "because."

What's for Lunch?

Recently, we were on a trip to South Carolina and one simple dining choice got me to thinking about what issues would really stir me to take a stand -- and did my morality or values have a price?

We were driving down 95 South  looking to stop for lunch.  With three picky kids, that means finding the right pizza,pasta, chicken fingers and french fries -- or some combination thereof.

My wife and I were indecisive, and we kept stumbling upon Chick-Fil-A restaurants.  They looked very nice and clean from the outside.  I had a vague recollection about the food being good.  We loved the funny billboards with the cows.  And, the parking lots were always full.

We finally pulled into a Chick-Fil-A, but then my brain decided involuntarily to regurgitate a memory about Chick-Fil-A having been in the middle of a controversy over gay marriage.

I was fuzzy on the details, but I recalled that the CEO made some comments about his personal views on gay marriage and his entire company became embroiled in a messy situation and litany of protests.  You can read more about the situation in this recent USA Today story on the company.

And, so there I was at this mini-moral conundrum.  I have friends and co-workers who are gay, and I have supported gay marriage for a host of personal reasons.  So would I park and partake of some delicious Chick-Fil-A, or would we keep on driving?

If you are Catholic, you can probably relate to those Fridays in Lent when you go to the cafeteria and stand in-line for 15 minutes to get that hamburger special you love, only to realize as you are standing there that it is FRIDAY IN LENT and you aren't supposed to be eating meat.  Do you pretend you forgot that rule and enjoy that carnivore's delight anyway?  Or, do you groan and head to the salad line with your Catholic soul and good standing preserved -- at least for this week.

In the case of Chick-Fil-A, I couldn't do it.  We drove around the parking lot and headed back out onto the road.

Morality of Convenience or Conviction?

It made me think about what other issues would drive me to take an action and how far would I go to stand up for something I valued?  Was my morality one of convenience or conviction?  

There were another dozen fast food restaurants within spitting distance of Chick-Fil-A.  My family certainly wasn't going to starve because of my "stance" on Chick-Fil-A.  It seems even a columnist who is gay has written about having faced a similar conundrum.

I raise this question because the truth is that sometimes your "values" need to be more than something you "have" -- like an old book on the shelf -- they need to be something you "do" and "demonstrate."

I have a good friend, who to this day will not buy gas from Exxon.  It has nothing to do with the Exxon Valdez, which most of us are familiar with.  It dates even farther back to some controversy he recalls from his childhood, which I have long since forgotten.  He would drive the extra blocks for another gas station, and I remember thinking when I was younger, "This is crazy.  It's all the same gas."  But for him, it pushed a button.  It was one demonstration of his values.

Taking a Stand

The Chick-Fil-A turnaround made me think about when I had made a moral stand on anything (this certainly wasn't it)?  How strong were my convictions and values?  What actions do I take that really demonstrate my values?

• Had I ever walked out of a meeting or spoken to a colleague who made a racist joke in my presence?
• Did I ever march for a cause that would try to right some social injustice?
• Had I given my seat on the bus or subway to an older person?
• Did I ever stand up to a boss who was not acting appropriately? 
• Had I ever supported a candidate because of their position on one issue I deeply valued?

And, most importantly, do I teach my kids about my values?  Not only with lectures (you can imagine the eye rolls), but more effectively with my actions.  Do I explain to my children not just what I hold as values, but why I hold them?

I think that may be part of the lesson.  Take time to think about your values.  Examine them.  Question them. Understand them.  And, find those cases where you would actually do something to demonstrate them.

Then pick the opportune time to talk about them with your family, your kids ... maybe even for longer than the thirty-second u-turn out of the Chick-Fil-A parking lot.