Coaching -- The greatest "hassle" you'll ever enjoy

"I just don't have the time." ... "There are plenty of parents who are more qualified than me." ... "Who needs all that extra hassle with practices, games and drama."

I said all of that when it came time to consider coaching my daughter's basketball team three years ago. Life and work were hectic.  I loved playing basketball, but had never really coached a team. And, there are always potential headaches and tension around bad calls, playing time, etc.

The truth is ... coaching Emma and her friends was the greatest "hassle" I ever enjoyed. As their 8th grade season ends this week, I reflected back on coaching the last three years and couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic.

A Great Experience

First, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to coach when the spot opened up three years ago. Not every parent has that chance. I was also incredibly lucky to work with a head coach and fellow father who was dedicated, experienced and good-hearted. We made it work.

It was very satisfying and rewarding to teach a game that I had been playing for 40 years.  It brought back so many memories and lessons about basketball and teamwork that I learned on the courts and gyms of my youth.

The girls were enthusiastic, respectful and upbeat. They gave the loudest cheers in the gym, "1-2-3-Assumption."  Always quick with a "thank you, Mr. Price" or a shocked look when they may have fouled the other team.

We never won more than a handful of games in a season, but our girls developed skills, had fun and learned how to play the game. To be honest, the other schools and teams were simply better. Over the years, we learned to savor the small victories -- a terrific pass, a made shot, a defensive stand and fighting to the end. I look back and see the progress each girl made, growing as players, as teammates and as young women, and I am so proud of them all.

Five Reasons to Coach Your Kids

For those parents who may be struggling with the decision to coach their kids, I would offer these benefits that you should never sell short:.

1. Show them "Coach," not "Dad" -- My daughter Emma got to see me in a very different light as Coach, not Dad -- even if just for a few hours a week. At home, I am the one hounding her about cleaning her room,... taking away her phone when she hasn't done her homework,... working on my computer at all odd hours of the night or weekend. At the gym, I was fun. Making jokes, running drills and smiling. Emma and I would tease each other, share laughs and have a special place where we could relate to each other in a whole different way.

2. Share Your Passion -- I love basketball! I have been playing since I was a little kid, and I still play today in regular pick-up games with friends. My kids knew how much I loved the game, but until they started playing it was hard for them to understand why. Emma and Tess both play now. They know why people get excited about a great play or the swish of a jumper. They appreciate all the hours of practice that go into improving your skills. When I drove Tess to her game a few weeks ago, she was telling me all about the defensive scheme they were being taught by her coach. I could hear her starting to grasp the game and have a passion for how the parts can come together when a team is working well.

3. Keep Fit and Have Fun --  As a coach, I loved practice. I didn't want to be passively barking orders from the sidelines or giving long lectures.  I was running around the court. Dribbling. Shooting. Showing them defensive stances. It was a workout and kept me energized. I had to stay in better shape, so I didn't embarrass myself racing up court -- or collapse during our defensive drill to Cotton-Eyed Joe. I also had so much fun seeing the pleased and proud look on their faces when they would make a steal, hit a shot and win a game.  They always made me chuckle and smile in their own goofy, girly ways.

4. Meet their Friends -- It's always been hard for parents to get a glimpse into their kids lives and know their friends. When I was a kid in Jersey City, your friends were all in the neighborhood and you called the house or rang the doorbell to ask if "Jimmy could come out to play." Nowadays, the only people who call my home phone are my parents and telemarketers. It's harder to know who your kids are spending time with and what is going on in their lives. Spending a few hours with Emma and her friends every week gave me a glimpse into their world, a better perspective on what mattered to them, and a greater appreciation for their problems and concerns. I would always ask them what they thought was working in practice ... what did they like ... what did we need to work on. I think they were surprised that I asked what they thought and also that I listened.

5. Precious Time -- The greatest regret most parents have is, "I wish I could spend more time with my kids." Well, if you're lucky enough to coach their teams, you get that time commitment. You have the drive time to games, weekly practices, pizza party celebrations, etc. You also have a common interest and topic that you can talk about -- something that isn't schoolwork or why they torture their sister.

Hassles Can Be Treasures Once Unwrapped

Emma will be moving onto high school next year and probably won't be playing basketball.  Tess has a great, committed set of dads coaching her 6th grade team already.  And, Will is still young and a wild card, not sure if sports are for him. My coaching run may be over... but the memories and bonds over basketball will never end -- not for me and I hope not for them either. Emma and her friends taught me a lot about coaching, parenting and "hassles" that are truly treasures once unwrapped.

We Need "Back To School" Spirit for Adults

It's September and the kids are back in school.  The end of summer has been mourned, and in a millisecond the kids' sadness ends (okay, maybe a little longer for my son, Will). And, the excitement starts.

School supplies have been bought. Lockers have been filled. Books have been covered.  Schedules are set. Curiosity stirs. Fears are faced. Friendships formed.  Can you feel it?  

The truth is "back to school" is an amazing time. A great ritual.  And, in many ways, I envy my kids for that.  With the perspective and distance of a middle-aged father, I wish I could go back in time and recapture some of those feelings that my kids experience every September.  The truth is we need a "back to school" spirit for adults.  Wouldn't it be great?

What?  You don't think so?  How about this?  Here are five things that I miss about the Septembers of my childhood.

1) Butterflies

As a kid, do you remember the butterflies you would feel a few days before school?  It was scary, but mostly good nerves and excitement.

For kids, nerves can be terrifying, but they are also so exciting, special and energizing every September.

You had so many questions.  You were worried about the unknown, but looking forward to the answers.  Who would my teacher be?  Who was coming back to school?  Was Algebra really as hard as my sister said? Would I make the team this year?

And, oh my gosh, if you were starting a new school, the butterflies became condors.

I went to an all-boys high school known for its Jesuits, academics and discipline.  I was a skinny, four-eyed freshman in my first gym class one September with about 50 other freshman -- and I had butterflies.

Our gym teacher was a stern, no-nonsense mountain of a man. A marine and All-American who had been a legend at the school for 30 years.  He kept everyone in line with a hard stare and sharp one-liners.  The first day, he lined us all up across the gym floor and told us to stand at attention. He stood on the balcony near his office, clipboard in hand,and he laid down the law.  My butterflies started to move.  The nerves and whatever breakfast I ate started to stir in my stomach.  I looked around anxiously.  I dashed out of line to the nearest garbage can, threw up quickly and ran back to my spot in line without skipping a beat.  I was over the butterflies and ready.  [The gym teacher had a heart and never said a word. He'd probably seen it a thousand times before :)]

For an adult, butterflies don't have that same fun, exciting edge.  Butterflies become ulcers.  They might linger, require acute medical attention or years of therapy.

I think about when I have started new jobs.  That's sort of like back to school.  Same thing, right? While it can bring on some similar nerves, I haven't found those nearly as comforting or exciting as back to school days. And you certainly pray you're not experiencing those "new job" butterflies every September.

2) Shopping sprees

As a kid, every September came with new sneakers (Converse) or shoes (Does anyone remember wallabees?).  A new school uniform and bookbag (nothing like the backpacks today).  A shopping cart at KMart full of spiral notebooks, theme paper, Bic pens, Dixon Ticonderoga pencils -- and maybe even a hazardous compass to stick in your friend's leg during recess.

For adults, the "annual" shopping spree gives way to car payments, mortgages and kids' orthodontia. My wardrobe looks pretty much the same as it did ^%*^% years ago (just ask my wife), and my supplies come from my assistant's file cabinet at the office.  And, if I am lucky, I am not "growing" out of my uniform every year.

3) Reunions

For kids, every September is a reunion.  After a few months off on summer adventures, they come back together to swap stories and bond over whose parents are becoming more annoying.They are so excited to see one another.  The girls squeal at each other. The boys wrestle each other.  All is well.  Sleepovers ensue and the school year drama begins.

As an adult, the reunions are less often, less exciting and more complicated.

At school reunions years later, there are all the awkward moments. "Are you sure we were in the same class as me?  I don't remember you at all."  ... Calling people by the wrong name for 10 minutes because you were sure he was Jim -- only to find out later that  he was always called Mahesh.  Your wife who didn't go to school with you rolls her eyes all night and looks at her watch as she hears the story about the big game when some guy nicknamed Smoothy hit the big shot or when Boomer's house got wrecked while his parents were away in Bermuda.  The inevitable judgments and comparisons of who has lost more hair, gained more pounds, had more kids, made more money.

Then there's impromptu reunions with friends from school that you try to arrange. You spend months juggling work commitments, kids schedules, and finding babysitters to set up a weekend -- or maybe just a dinner -- to "reunite" with the old crew from high school or college.  You're so exhausted by the time the day arrives  you can barely keep your eyes open past 10 pm.  And, so you drink, eat and talk about the work commitments, kids schedules and the new babysitter.



4)  Clean slates

As a kid, every September comes with a clean slate.  There are no grades on your report card. You get a fresh start.

This is the year that I am going to get straight A's.  This is the year that I will beat out Hillary for student council.  This is the year I will get the lead in the school play or show off that new jump shot I spent 2,000 hours working on over the summer. This is the year, my teeth are straight, my skin is clear and my contact lenses are in -- I may have exited that "awkward stage" as my mother would call it and she won't hide the class pictures in a drawer.  This is the year, I might have the nerve to ask Amy to the prom.

As an adult, clean slates are a lot harder to come by.  Situations, habits, perceptions and grudges change a lot more slowly as we get older.  We think New Year's Day can be our clean slate every year, but it never has the same effect as the first day of school.

5) Safety nets

Every September, no matter how the first day went, you could count on a reassuring word, a comforting hug and some delicious ice cream from Mom and Dad.  Whether you were devastated by missing the school bus or excited by being elected class representative, your parents were home, wanting to hear every word. They could make everything alright, or so it seemed.  You always had a safety net at home.


As an adult, life's safety nets may not always be as sturdy and the problems may have a bit more of a sting.

But somewhere your mother is waiting for that phone call.  She has a quart of Breyer's in the freezer in case you come by. And she has a ready ear, a clear solution and hours of stories when the same thing happened to "your Aunt Matilda's son Jim's granddaughter Lucy who lives in Bayonne down near St. Andrew's.  You met her at Uncle Jim's funeral when you were six...  Do you remember her?"

Ahh, the Septembers of my childhood.  To have that "back to school" spirit again.